I accepted Jesus as my Savior on April 28th of last year (2013). I look back at my story and I know that while I have been through a lot that many haven’t had to go through, I can help those who have been through similar things.
Before I was born, my dad had brought my mom into the realm of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Growing up, we went to meetings and conventions for Jehovah’s Witnesses up until I was about eight years old. I knew then and through the time that I was thirteen that God was the only one who could save me. I had to know so many different facts in order to get baptized. The one thing that stuck with me was that only a 144,000 people went to heaven. I didn’t feel like I had a chance, so I doubted the God that I thought I knew Him to be. Boy, was I wrong in my thoughts of who He was… I’m getting ahead of myself.
My dad was very controlling in needing to know everything that we were doing, where we were going, why we were doing it, who we would be with, the whole list of things. He was very verbally abusive to me, my mom, and my younger brothers. I am the oldest of three children, and being as such, I had more responsibilities than my siblings. My mom had left us with our dad when I was twelve years old and because of that, I became the main constant for my baby brother at the time because he wasn’t a year old yet. While I wasn’t at school, I was home being “Mommy”.
My dad got remarried after the divorce that tore our family apart, and the woman that he had married had many mental health problems among addictions that took over her. She dealt with Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, and many physical things. Her blood sugars would not stay at a decent place and there were times where it was like she was hypoglycemic and diabetic in one. She was addicted to prescription drugs, tobacco, and alcohol on top of everything else. While in the four years that she and my dad had been married she had been in the hospital three times for suicide attempts. So I dealt with all of this on top of high school, Running Start, my mom’s life, and taking care of my brothers. I was called my father’s slave. I was not a daughter, I was his servant. So to say that I had a positive outlook on what a father was would be a lie.
The last time I saw my father, I had called the cops on him. I told them about how he gave his ex-wife, the woman I spoke of earlier, his medications and then I left. I had gotten my mom and my brothers out of our slavery by the grace and help of God, which I would not have figured out until a year later. I spent the first year of being away from my dad looking for love anywhere and everywhere. I had already had a hard time with talking to men online in sinful ways and being encouraged in doing so, watching my father and stepmother and mother cheat on their respective mates, and I was not sure what a right relationship looked like.
I gave myself to all of my boyfriends, even after I had accepted Jesus because I knew no better. I had come into this world knowing of a God who loved us, but I did not know that Jesus was my Savior. I did not know that I had the chance of going to heaven by accepting Him as my Savior and my Lord. I always knew that something was wrong with the life I was living. I was not happy or satisfied with any of it.
The next thing I knew, I was going to college which was something I wanted for myself. Then I had found the campus ministry which was a blessing in so many ways. I found my home church that same week and within two months of being with those wonderful people I found my Lord. I knew what I was missing. I was a Child of God! I was loved completely! There was nothing that would separate me from the love of my God! I currently serve others by sharing Jesus with them as much as I can and by serving on Sundays to help my church. I have begun to write soldiers who are deployed who do not really have anyone to speak to. I have a promise, and a secret that must be shared! It must be shared with all! I am working on spiritual transformation and becoming more and more intimate with my Savior every day. I struggle at times with my identity, but because I love my Savior and my Father God, I do not look for ways to get as close to the edge as I can, but how far I can be away from it. I love my Savior and I want to use my story, and my gift of writing to help those around me. And globally if possible.
Jesus has made me new, and He can help you too!!!